tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post8635416206137563007..comments2024-03-29T09:17:03.691+02:00Comments on Thoughts from Botswana by Lauri Kubuitsile: Left AloneLaurihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11112458658109887868noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-19350270876227988542009-02-03T16:58:00.000+02:002009-02-03T16:58:00.000+02:00Thanks David, those types of comments are really h...Thanks David, those types of comments are really helpful as I often write these stories in a rush. <BR/><BR/>I'm sorry I've left your saga. I'm having no proper internet yet at my new home. Now I'll have a treat and get to read many instalments at once which will be very nice.Laurihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11112458658109887868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-88930867029614970022009-02-03T13:00:00.000+02:002009-02-03T13:00:00.000+02:00I meant Lauri, not Laura. Sorry DavidMI meant Lauri, not Laura. Sorry <BR/>DavidMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-81295776921018782702009-02-03T12:58:00.000+02:002009-02-03T12:58:00.000+02:00Hi Laura.I agree with Kayt’s (and the others) enth...Hi Laura.<BR/>I agree with Kayt’s (and the others) enthusiasm for your story. I especially liked your characterization technique wherein you didn’t present the protagonist via physical description but through her actions, reactions, and thoughts – which gives the reader a full subjective and objective psychological view of her. I also enjoyed the subtle way the story was written which, in turn, made it a suggestive read which was enhanced by the fact that you trust your readers to make the necessary connections and, perhaps, ones of their own.<BR/>I did, however find 3 nits:<BR/>1) ‘the sharp scent of cat urine’ is a pretty lacklustre description of cat urine.<BR/>2) ‘Crying and crying. Every day. Every hour. One demand after another. Swallowing her up’.<BR/>Five sentence fragments might be overdoing it. Maybe. Something to consider.<BR/>3)‘If she had stayed things might have turned newspaper headline worse…’<BR/>Should be<BR/>If she had stayed things might have turned the newspaper headline worse…<BR/>DavidMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-694189976477637792009-02-01T17:11:00.000+02:002009-02-01T17:11:00.000+02:00Thanks, Selma.Thanks, Selma.Laurihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11112458658109887868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-64079630569686957192009-02-01T11:38:00.000+02:002009-02-01T11:38:00.000+02:00You've done it again. I used to have a cat that le...You've done it again. I used to have a cat that left offerings on the front porch. Once I found the sweetest little bird and I couldn't bear that my supposed sweet cat had been the cause of that little one's death. I wept for days too. What I want to say really, is that it's your realism that makes your stories so wonderful. Real people, real events, real things. 'Her life cast in inflexible cement....' an outstanding image!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-16503668366957438412009-01-31T09:53:00.000+02:002009-01-31T09:53:00.000+02:00Thanks guys. I always remember nursing my daughter...Thanks guys. I always remember nursing my daughter and feeling like I was a slave to her. I couldn't be away from her for more than 4 hours (since she was a big fat baby who needed feeding every 4 hours or she reached decibels no human could tolerate) which meant I couldn't just get in the car and go somewhere alone- the thought of it made me insane. That was the motivation for the story.Laurihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11112458658109887868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-81872014913282503582009-01-31T00:38:00.000+02:002009-01-31T00:38:00.000+02:00oh my, oh my! I love this piece!! The ending unrol...oh my, oh my! I love this piece!! The ending unrolled so quickly I am still stunned, didn't see that coming which is perfect. And your writing of the images made it so tangible and real to me that I want to photograph that shed - when it is lit like in the story. <BR/><BR/>I love everything about this one - great read - thanks, thanks!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-82093599037377120442009-01-30T20:54:00.000+02:002009-01-30T20:54:00.000+02:00Postpartum? The ugliness of her thoughts mirrored ...Postpartum? <BR/><BR/>The ugliness of her thoughts mirrored by the empty shed, poop, urine, etc. is effective. Depression's ugly swirling decline is a hard one to break out of. I hope she seeks help, and I hope Ryan is smart enough to realize she needs it.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for a good read!Pirate Princesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12164956276371481421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9052453698252224336.post-27476920157618950282009-01-30T17:06:00.000+02:002009-01-30T17:06:00.000+02:00a break from her life is what she really needed, t...a break from her life is what she really needed, to contemplate her life and look at it from a distance, but I think in the end she saw something she would miss, I like how the empty shed brought out some of her childhood memories about her catAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com