In the 1990’s I used to feel like a blanket of sadness covered the country. People were dying everyday it seemed. No family was immune from loss, including mine. You wouldn’t see someone for awhile and then you didn’t want to ask as it was likely they were dead. We went to so many funerals. Achingly sad funerals of people far too young to die. I think about all of those dead and how if they could have lasted just a few more years they would have been saved. Now the government gives out free ARV treatment, so those same people would likely have survived and they would still be with us today.
The government in so many ways must be applauded for their efforts regarding HIV/AIDS. Former President Mogae, unlike many presidents around the world, never hid the problem. We are a small country, only 1.6 million, and he knew if nothing was done we could perish, all of us. That’s how it felt at that time anyway.
I was under the impression that things were getting better, but in yesterday’s Daily News (the state newspaper) the headline reads “
Part of the problem might be a disconnect between traditional practices and modern life. PSI
When a young woman gets married she is taken to the side to sit with the older, married women to be told the ways to be a good wife. Among the advice is that a married woman should never ask a husband who is coming home late where he has been. Again there were reasons for this. Those reasons have been forgotten, but men have held tight to the practice. A wife who queries a husband arriving late in the night is a bad wife needing a sharp clap or a visit to her uncles for a complaint.
Both of these practices lead to concurrent relationships which is one of the drivers of HIV/AIDS in the country. Culture is often a sacred cow that should not be questioned or tampered with, but sometimes cultural practices that are causing harm should be dropped or at the very least questioned and better understood.
Hearing about HIV/AIDS from the point of view of someone who lives in Africa offers such an important perspective. I am heartbroken to hear you have lost so many loved ones. I guess changing the face of tradition is a difficult battle to fight but such a necessary one.
ReplyDeleteTo my horror I read a piece last week saying HIV was on the rise in Sydney due to complacency over the easy access to HIV treatments. I don't understand that way of thinking. Surely prevention is always better than cure. Your government sounds very forward thinking. Ours, I fear, has closed the door.
I must say even here the free ARVs have made people complacent. It costs the government so much money to run the programme too.
ReplyDeleteWould you help me understand what does the traditional practice of not asking the husband where he has been, and whencombined with rules look like?
ReplyDeleteHi Sheila
ReplyDeleteThe answer I've received regarding this is that in the past men, sometimes within their regiments, were required to do things that if women knew might put them in danger. I'm not sure how true this is but that was the answer that I got.
Also, there is a way of interacting in Setswana culture which is the antithesis to how I was raised. It is the thought that telling people bad things harms them. It is almost seen as a selfless act to keep your badness to yourself.I know in western cultures honesty in relationships is paramount, but I also see the Setswana point of view. Sometimes information is given by a person to relieve their own guilt and it only serves to burden the other.
My that's quite something. Thanks Lauri. That was really helpful.
ReplyDeleteI'd not seen it that way at all and it feels rather noble (almost romantic) indeed. I suppose deep within the practice it includes, wives coming across as placing unwavering levels of trust on their husband. Could that be the case too?
This has all the signs and foundations of creating lasting relationships between the couples. So what could have shifted it?
And why were multiple relations allowed within the traditional cultural practices (did I hear you say that so far)?
Sheila I interrogated my husband further on this topic after your question yesterday. So much in Setswana culture is maintaining peace and avoiding conflict. The traditional practice of not asking the husband was, according to my husband, primarily to avoid conflict. I don't think it was so much about trust. Also, marriages were traditionally arranged so perhaps emotions in some cases were different than modern marriages.
ReplyDeleteIn Botswana right now we have almost an epidemic of something dubbed 'passion killings'. Men kill their wives or girlfriends and then kill themselves. I think this is part of the whole difficult process of cultural change. In most cases the woman wants to leave him or has another concurrent relationship. I think there is fury that the man is no longer the one in complete control.
Anyway, this whole topic is very complex and I'm certainly not the one with the answers. I only have my observations and lots of questions too.
The point of the pre-marriage counselling of the bride by married women and of the groom by married men is to educate the newlyweds about marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy interpretation of 'a man is not to be asked where from' is based on the premise that if you have to ask there is already a problem. A wife should should know where he is going before he goes out. I believe it is also to avoid confrontation and to grow the trust that the partners have in each other. Besides, if he's late home, its unlikely that the question will be,'Darling, would you be so kind as to tell me why you are late?'
If you want to look ed hardy clothes and feel sexy, a Christian audigier maternity cocktail ed hardy shoes dress may be the ed hardy outlet fashion choice. There ed hardy Bikini are a variety ed hardy hats of cocktail dresses ed hardy swimsuits available, from a sexy ed hardy clothing black to an eye catching red. You can ed hardy glasses either choose a dramatic wrap-dress ed hardy or a sophisticated jersey dress. There ed hardy iphone cases are a variety of styles, patterns, and designs ed hardy dresses to suit any occasion. If you are looking for a bit more ed hardy Jackets dazzle, consider a comfy waist band mini skirt.
ReplyDeleteMy name Laura jude from England, Oxford,UK ...HIV has been ongoing in my family for long..I lost both parents to HIV and it is so much pain have not been able to get over. As we all know medically,there is no solution or cure for HIV and the cost for Medication is very expensive..Someone introduced me to a woman(Native Medical Practitioner)her name is Dr Susan she resides in Africa..I showed the woman all my Tests and Results and i told her have already diagnosed with HIV and have spent thousands of pounds on medication..I said i will like to try her cos someone introduced me to her..she asked me sorts of questions and i answered her correctly..To cut the story short,she prepared a herbal medication for me and she thought me how am going to use them all..At first i was skeptical but i just gave it a try..I was on his Medication for 1 week and i used all the medication according to her prescription.. that she will finish the rest her self..and i called her 3 days after, i arrived and i told her what is the next thing..she said,she has been expecting my call.. she told me to visit my doctor for another test..Honestly speaking,i never believe all she was saying until after the test when my doctor mention the statement that am, HIV negative and the doctor started asking me how do i do it....Am testifying about all this bcause i know too well that people are been deceived about No cure to HIV/AIDS but to be truthful there is a cure and Dr Susan cure me of my disease if there is anybody in this forum having similar issues don't hesitate to email her at {dr.susan.herbal.voodoo.temple@gmail.com} or visit her facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/Dr-Susan-voodoo-and-herbal-temple-966842423414581/ or message her on whatsapp +2347031991061
ReplyDeleteMY NAME IS MARIAM FROM SOUTH AFRICA...I SAW THIS COMMENT ON POSITIVE BLOGS AND I WILL LOVE TO TELL EVERYBODY HOW MY STATUS CHANGES TO NEGATIVE, AND AM NOW A LIVING WITNESS OF IT AND I THINK ITS A SHAME ON ME IF I DON'T SHARE THIS LOVELY STORY WITH OTHER PEOPLE INFECTED WITH THIS DEADLY VIRUS...,HIV HAS BEEN ONGOING IN MY FAMILY... I LOST BOTH PARENTS TO HIV,. AND IT IS SO MUCH PAIN IVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER.. AS WE ALL KNOW MEDICALLY THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO IT..AND MEDICATION IS VERY EXPENSIVE..SO SOMEONE INTRODUCED ME TO A NATIVE MEDICAL PRACTITIONER IN AFRICA..I HAD A JOB THERE TO EXECUTE SO I TOOK TIME TO CHECK OUT ON HIM.I SHOWED HIM ALL MY TESTS AND RESULTS.. I WAS ALREADY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND IT WAS ALREADY TAKING ITS TOWL ON ME.. I HAD SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS SO I DECIDED TO TRY HIM OUT...I WAS ON HIS DOSAGE FOR 1 MONTH. ALTHOUGH I DIDNT BELIEVE IN IT, I WAS JUST TRYING IT OUT OF FRUSTRATION... AND AFTER 2 WEEKS, I WENT FOR NEW TESTS... AND YOU WONT BELIEVE THAT 5 DIFFERENT DOCTORS CONFIRMED IT THAT AM NEGATIVE..IT WAS LIKE A DREAM,,I NEVER BELIEVE AIDS HAS CURE..AM NOW NEGATIVE,,AM A LIVING WITNESS..I DONT KNOW HOW TO THANK THIS MAN... I JUST WANT TO HELP OTHERS IN ANY WAY I CAN..HAVE JOINED MANY FORUMS AND HAVE POSTED THIS TESTIMONIES AND ALOT OF PEOPLE HAS MAIL AND CALLED THIS MAN ON PHONE AND AFTER 2 WEEKS THEY ALL CONFIRMED NEGATIVE..BBC NEWS TOOK IT LIVE AND EVERY.. HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT.. EVERYBODY SAW IT AND ITS NOW OUT IN PAPERS AND MAGAZINES THAT THERE'S NATIVE CURE FOR HIV AND ALL WITH THE HELP OF THIS MAN,,HAVE TRIED MY OWN PARTS AND ALL LEFT WITH YOU,,IF YOU LIKE TAKE IT OR NOT..GOD KNOWS HAVE TRIED MY BEST.ABOUT 97 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE THROUGH ME..AND THEY SEND MAILS TO THANKS ME AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE,,THIS MAN IS REAL..DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE,,HIV IS A DEADLY VIRUS,,GET RID OF IT NOW..
ReplyDeletecase there is anyone who has similar problem and still
looking for a way out, and he those cast all kind of spell like ::
Love Spells
Luck, Money Spells
Health, Well Being
Protection, Healing
Curses, ex, Breakups
NEW! Combo Spells
High Priestess Spells
Vampire Spells
Authentic Voodoo Spells
Custom, Other Spells
Business spells
Health/Healing spells
Curse removal
Job spells
Healing from all kind of diseases
Love binding
Barrenness(need a child)
Need love
Lottery Spells
Promotions
Success
Money rituals
winning court case
Divorce spells
Low sperm count
Infertility in women
Breast enlargement/reduction
Penis enlargement/reduction
YOU CAN CONTACT HIM HERE AS (dr.abalaka@outlook.com) if you need any question contact me via here as mariambaurice@gmail.com and here is his facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100014833723968 thanks