Apologies to my readers for hardly blogging at all last week. I've had visitors from the United States; a friend from high school and university and his partner. We were busy remembering and laughing and having a huge pile of fun. It's always a bit bittersweet when people visit me here. I know it's very expensive for them to get to Botswana and when they leave I know they'll not likely visit again and we may never see each other again either. So it was lovely, but tinged with sadness.
The other bit that is filling my mind right now is a job. My husband is currently living about 200 km from me in the capitol city of Gaborone attending university. He doesn't like living alone. Also the government pays him his full salary for the first year of school, but for the second and third year he goes on half salary. We can survive on that, but my writing income is not always as steady as I would like it to be so some months it could be tight. So on the weekend there was a good job in the paper for a publishing manager in Gaborone. He wanted me to apply so I could go and stay with him in Gaborone. I've done it, but I'm not sure I want the job.
I have been a full time writer now for about three years and before that I owned my own business for ten years so it's been a long time since I was an employee. And I'm not really someone who can do things halfway. I can't say I'll take the job and write too. If I take the job I intend to give them my time. So it will be two years of very little writing. I've just really started building up solid relationships with my publishers and I am fearful this could back track my good work so far.
At the same time my husband has been my biggest supporter in every way. Perhaps it's time I give a bit back. It's all keeping my head spinning. In any case, I've only sent my CV; they may not even call me for an interview and then they may meet me and see I'm not what they want. I'm trying not to worry about anything. Trying to wait for the bridges to appear before I see how I'm going to get across. But I can't help feeling a bit sad about it all.
oh dear, i dont know whether to hope you get it or hope you don't.
ReplyDeleteHeather I'm in the same boat. LOL!
ReplyDeleteLaurie -- talk about having a tough bridge to cross ... I think you did the right thing; you applied and can wait it out. If you land the job - you could regard it as an invitation to follow a different path for a bit and who knows -- it may take you places that you never expected. It may provide muse for your creative soul. I am trying to be optimistic here. Whatever the result ... your life is unfolding in interesting ways. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHow hard this is for you. A very tough decision. But you seem to be going into it with your eyes open. You're not saying, I'll do this job weekdays and write on weekends (or some other schedule).
ReplyDeleteWhatever happens, I hope it will be a step forward for you.
Helen
Straight From Hel
There's a dilemma! I think it speaks very well of you that you applied for a job you don't particularly want, but one that will make life easier for all concerned. I don't know if I'd be as good a person.
ReplyDeleteThat's a toughie, but admirable of you to think of your poor lonely husband. What a quandary, I don't know what to root for on your behalf. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling very well, not because of the distance issue, but because of the lack of monetary support on my part. When I took a part-time job, due to guilt, I couldn't wait for my 30-minute lunch break to pull out my laptop at Starbucks and write. By the time everything was ready, I forced myself to concentrate and then I had to head back to the office. I hated this, and then I felt guilty when I quit working there. So I'm always going back and forth. At least you've published and earned money with your writing. I haven't YET. I say YET, to motivate myself, although I know that's not why I write.
ReplyDeleteGutsywriter- There is nothing wrong with wishing to be published and be paid. Not sure where that vile rumour started but writing is valuable and we as writers are valubale and our work should be paid. Full stop. And you will definitely find your way to that point.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is this year I will make quite a big pile of money from my writing, so I could stay a full time writer... Oh! let me not think about all this. It turns me into a statue and I have piles to do today and statues don't type very fast.
It's definitely a go with the flow situation, I think, but I feel for you because you are in the writing zone now, poised for real success and it must be frustrating to think you may need to go in a different direction for a while. However, that need not be a bad thing. Tangents can be good.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you had a good time with your visitors. I understand the bittersweet feeling of having overseas guests. My cousin from Ireland visited a few years ago and it was the first time I had seen her in 15 years. I can't bear to think I may not see her for another 15 years, but it is so expensive to travel to Australia or for me to travel to Ireland. Distance is such a tyrant.