We woke up Saturday morning sick as dogs- even the cat. My husband soon recovered and attempted to attend a meeting and instead crashed the windscreen of the car. The cat managed to leave his litter box, leaving only me to suffer alone.
One thing I thought of between trips to the toilet, even during them actually, was how sickness is very greedy. As soon as you are sick, nothing else matters. Sickness will be the star. And as usual when I'm sick , I kick myself in the ass thinking why oh why can't I be thankful when I'm healthy? We aren't are we? We mouth the words but we don't really understand it until we are sick and then it is too late as health is gone. I guess it is our ungrateful nature (I'd hate to think it is MY ungrateful nature- alone).
I do the same with the people I love. Yesterday was Mother's Day. Being that my appointments with the toilet were fixed and frequent, my husband's offer to take me to breakfast had to be declined. He did stay, as he had all weekend, and rushed to the shops (in the car with the un-crashed windscreen) for anything I thought my stomach might allow for more than a few minutes. In the end, that was a better Mother's Day present than any he might have bought.
With both of my children at boarding school, I didn't expect to hear from them but my son sent a short message around dinner time admitting he only just found out it was Mother's Day and apologised for being late. It's difficult to remember such holidays without the help of television, which they don't have at their school.
Then just before going to bed I got a message from my daughter that defined for me my role in this whole mothering gig; I've had only a very loose handle on it for these past 16 odd years. I grew up without a mother and the remaining adults around me would only be able to be defined as parents if you chose the strict legal definition. Basically I've been winging it.
The message started with my 16 year old daughter's take on the manipulative nature of such days. I smiled. So like her to accept nothing on face value and instead to find the real meaning behind it all. She went on to explain how she didn't need a day such as this one. And ended saying how I had done a good job- look what I made- HER. And that's it isn't it? Look what I made -Her. A wise, critical, strong, kind young woman. That's certianly something to be grateful for.
I wish only one thing as I sit here contemplating if eating an egg on this not quite yet settled stomach is a sensible thing to do. I wish that I could be happy and grateful for what I have when I have it and not have to have it taken away before I can see how important it is. If I could truly be grateful, in my heart, in my body. I wish my gratefulness could take over my body like my sickness did so that I wouldn't have an option to think of a single other thing, for that is the very, very least that it deserves.
Now for that egg....