Here in Botswana, on a Sunday morning we get the pleasure of listening to Pat Robertson on BTV. Since in my home we are currently down to one television station ( a blessing and a curse) we usually drink our morning tea while having fun with Pat and his 700 Club. To be honest, I was not surprised to find my bud Pat tried to use the earthquake in Haiti to his advantage. He's like that. He gets letters from people,people with real problems, like the lady last week with the husband addicted to porn. Pat has a tricky way of turning everything upside down and sideways to get to the point where every problem can be solved by pledging your life to his god and popping out a bit of change for Pat's bulging pockets. I'm wondering how the porn guy is doing with that. I must say though his method seems to have backfired on my friend Pat and now his slip is showing in a most embarrassed way.
For those who missed Patty's words of wisdom, here they are:
"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," he said on Christian Broadcasting Network's "The 700 Club." "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal." Robertson said that "ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other"
Okay before you rush off to the bathroom to vomit, you must get the follow-up. Apparently Rra Satane watches the 702 Club religiously and he was not too pleased. He dashed off a letter to The Star Tribune in Minnesota (of all places) to set the record straight:
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher.
The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working.
But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan
LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS