Friday, February 7, 2014

The Grass Seeds and Footwear Problem: My Solution

My foot

It is grass seed season. If you, like me, like to walk about in the bush, you will know the headache caused by grass seeds. I come back each day with shoes, socks, and trousers covered in grass seeds. And if you, like me, have attempted to remove the grass seeds, you will know it is the work of mad people with infinite amounts of time on their hands. It is scientifically impossible to remove grass seeds from socks. I think this may be a scientific law. I'm not sure about that. But if it isn't it should be.

So how to solve this pesky problem?

What I have decided is that you must have your grass seed season socks and your grass seed season shoes. Once the grass seed season footwear is chosen, you must wear only this chosen footwear when walking in the bush during grass seed season and you should not attempt to remove grass seed or wash the footwear during the grass seed season.

Depending on your budget, you can do one of two things at the end of the grass seed season. For socks, the best thing, I've found, is to throw them away. I know that sounds wasteful, but removing grass seeds from your grass seed season socks could really cut into your precious time on earth and as mentioned above it is impossible. Your grass seed season socks, no matter the time you put in or the effort exerted will NEVER be free of grass seeds. That is a scientifically proven fact and it is best not to monkey around with scientifically proven facts.

Grass seed season shoes are usually easier to deal with. You might set aside a day (two at most) to remove the seeds from your grass seed season shoes so that they can go back to being just shoes. Grass seeds seems to have less affinity for shoes. (Note: if you are a scientist, this might be a potential area of research)  If you are very reckless, you could throw your grass seed season shoes away at the end of the season too, but I don't advise this course of action. Shoes are expensive.

Alternatively, you could, at the end of the grass seed season, put your grass seed season socks and your grass seed season shoes in a plastic bag and store them away for the next year's grass seed season. This is a perfectly acceptable way to attack this problem especially if you do not have a spare day or two to set aside for removing the grass seeds from your grass seed season shoes and you suspect that situation will persist for the coming years.

You might be saying to yourself- "But hey, grass seeds left on grass seed season socks and grass seed season shoes make my feet and ankles itchy when I wear the designated footwear". Yes, I contend that this is the case. But with a bit of mental discipline you can teach yourself that the minor itch and irritation of the grass seeds against your skin is a pleasant sensation. This is a good mental exercise that can spill over to other facets of your life. It can be implemented when dealing with the myriad of unpleasantness we face everyday.

NOTE: If there are any scientists out there who build shoes and socks, I would like to let them in on a little research project I've been conducting regarding grass seeds. The photos below are of a tall dog and a short dog immediately after walking in the bush during grass seed season. As you can clearly see there are no grass seeds attached to their feet or bodies (in the case of short dogs).

Small dog foot and body


Big dog foot

The questions for all of the scientists out there is- WHY? What about a dog's fur, which appears to me to be a reasonable enough place for grass seeds to attach, repels them? Whatever that substance is, I suggest that shoe and sock engineers get a pile of it and cover their products with it. I, for one, would be first in line for those shoes and socks. It would solve the entire grass seed season and footwear problem for the world and that would be quite a good thing.


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