Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Sometimes Forgiving is Wrong

This morning I read this article, Why I Reject Forgiveness by Elizabeth Switaj and it couldn't have come to me at a more perfect time.  As she says in this pseudo-spiritual world we now live in we are told that the only way you can recover from a hurt is to forgive the person who hurt you. We're told good people forgive others.  Or as Elizabeth Switaj points out in the article-

"Pseudo-spirituality has made forgiveness a marker of personal virtue. If you forgive, then you know you are enlightened. Deepak Chopra describes forgiveness as the “recognition that actions that are perceived as hurtful or wrong are the perspective of the small ego mind, not the higher self.” If you perceive an assault on yourself and your body as too wrong to forgive, you are being small-minded."

I'm going through the ending of my marriage at the moment after a horrible betrayal. I've been told if I can't forgive I obviously do not know how to love another person completely.  I've felt since this happened that I was flawed in some way because in my heart I could find no forgiveness and I doubt I ever will. Pop psychology was blaring in my head that without that forgiveness I would never be free and that was dispiriting. I was the victim but now I felt victimised again by my inability to forgive what was done to me.

On this, Switaj says: "This attitude (the one mentioned above) ignores that the choice not to forgive can come from a place of strength."

It's very easy for a person to say the words- I forgive you. But what use is that? I refuse to live a lie. I am finding a way to get past all of this, and on my path I do not see forgiveness. That does not make my path wrong, or weaker, or me a lesser person. I will recover only in my way, no one else's, and that's how it should be. That's how it should be for everyone. 

1 comment:

Nonofo Nkwe said...

hi lauri. what you are going through i cannot fathom but i couldnt agree with you more on this. sometimes people do us so wrong and because they are family or are that close to us we are somehow expected to forgive them. ive been debating with myself on this forgiveness issue and i do believe that sometimes forgiving is wrong esp when you are the one wronged. some things you just cant let go off or forgive as we are made to feel, sometimes it truly does come from a place of strength to decide not to forgive but deal with things the best way you know how, hopefully that in itself becomes "forgiveness." thank you so much for sharing your insight i feel answered through this post. wishing you all the best.