Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Oprah and Orgasms

I was watching Oprah the other day and it was all about sex. (Yes- I watch Oprah. Don’t lie you do to) There are people who don’t seem sexual to me; like Oprah. I know she has Stedman and everything but I don’t know, I just can’t picture it. And then there are all of the rumours about her and Gail, but again I can’t see it. I could see Gail and Stedman together…but that is an entirely different story and actually I have gone off on a tangent which I am prone to do.

The point of this post is to express my shock at what was said on that programme. The doctor there gave some astounding figure- 6 million or something (big numbers boggle me- I don’t know how the Zimbabweans are coping with their billions dollar notes- 1 million , 10 billion, I mean really.) women in America who have never had an orgasm. Apparently, many think they might be but are not sure. Of course, as Oprah rightly pointed out, there is nothing like that. If you have orgasms you know it. If you’re wondering, you are not having orgasms.

My husband who frowns on all things scientific or research based responded by saying, “They're lying”. He doesn’t believe anything scientific types say. This doesn’t bode well in a family where his wife is a former science teacher and both of his children are studying pure science and planning on embarking on scientific careers. Nevertheless, he doesn’t trust those numbers. If it is true, I, frankly, find the whole thing sad.

Some years ago when I was still in my 30’s and had little care about wrinkles and the effect of gravity on important parts of my body, I read that you must have at least three orgasms a week to stave off wrinkles. Apparently you can look ten years younger if you do. I, in an uncharacteristically fortuitous manner, added that to my ‘To Do List”. I don’t know if at the age of 45 less one day I look ten years younger BUT I do know that the woman on Oprah who was also 45 and admitted that she’d never had an orgasm in her life, definitely looked ten years older. My god! That seriously gave me a fright! And that is the point of this post- whatever you do- three orgasms a week, Ladies. If it means a trip to the chemist for a “back massager” so be it. I’m telling you if you saw what I saw you’d be very serious about this.

There was the funny bit when Oprah asked the husband of the non-orgasm-er what he thought about the fact that his wife had been faking it for 20 odd years. He said he wasn’t sure, but he did know that he knew what he was doing in the sack.
Well do ya’ now? I’m thinking NOT.

4 comments:

Selma said...

Isn't it funny to think that whenever a man hears his wife has been faking it or whatever, he's always :'Well, I know what I'm doing?' That always cracks me up.

I agree with you completely about Oprah. She seems asexual or non-sexual to me. I just can't imagine her letting fly.

Three a week to stave off wrinkles you say? It's cheaper than plastic surgery. LOL.

Lauri said...

...and more fun too!

kayt said...

well o.k. I know who Oprah is of course, but I don't have TV and have never seen her show - so my question is this: do we get bonus years if we get to like 5 in a week? just asking...

Lauri said...

5 in a week? - Kayt I think you have just moved to first place in my heroes list.

Funny- comments from this post keep getting caught in my ISP's spam marked as pornography. I wonder if the Office of the President will spy on me now. I read in the paper the other day that pornography is illegal in Botswana.