Lately the internet has been in love with the Guardian's 10 Rules of Writing Fiction by the authors at the top of the pile, people like Margaret Atwood (swoon) and Micheal Morpurgo and PD James. I hardly need to turn my head to bump into a link to the list. It was even on Boing Boing the other day!
Not to be left out, Blogger Tom Howard also came up with a list of 10 Rules for Writing Fiction. Here's a couple from Mr. Howard:
2. Writing in blood will add a much-needed touch of sickening horror to your work; it will also indicate to publishers that you mean business.
6. Never open a book with the weather. Use your fingers instead.
I thought it was time TfB got into the spirit and tried to come up with our own 10 Rules for Writing Fiction. I'll start us out.
1. Despite advice from the misguided, adverbs add colour. Where would the world be without bumpily, answerably, and remedially? How would you write the sentence- "I bumped along bumpily" without such lovely words?
2. Avoid characters that bite. If you're writing a novel, it might take years to finish. Try to get the cost of band-aids written into the contract. It adds up.
3. Settings waste time. Never mention them.
4. When writing, three things are mandatory: a cat to walk across the keyboard and delete the most perfect sentence you've ever written, chocolate in amounts that should not be revealed in polite company, and a connection to Facebook where you can brag about the fact that you are procrastinating.
5. Get a door. A big heavy one. With a lock. Preferably one that closes you inside of a room.
Okay- that's my contribution. Whatda ya got?