As innocuous as the post office
might look, don’t be fooled. Dangers lurk there, and, as my public service, I
want to highlight three.
1. The queue
The queue, at
least where I live, is always long and turtle slow. You must come prepared-
mentally and physically. Do not fight it. No shaking of head, no sighing. No
questions about the fact that there are six windows but only one of them has a
person behind it. Embrace the queue! …and bring provisions in your handbag.
2. The Security
Lady
The Security Lady
is heady with power. Nothing gives her more joy than to exert her power on you.
Are you standing out of single file in the queue? She will be there to put you
right. Is that your cellphone? Before the second ring, she will be at your side
pointing to the typed notice that forbids them. The only way to survive the
Security Lady is to submit completely. She will grow to love
you for your pliable uselessness. Once at that point, things improve. I know,
I’m there.
3. The Man Behind
the Glass
The second before
your legs give out and after you’ve been bullied by the Security Lady for
chewing gum, encouraging poor posture, and having a hairstyle she doesn’t
approve of, you will finally meet the Man Behind the Glass. His job is to
ensure that whatever you have come to do will fail. Posting a package? Wrong
tape. Sending a registered letter? Your lines are not straight enough.
I have found the
best way to deal with the Man Behind the Glass is to pretend you hear nothing.
If you’re old enough or odd looking enough, just don’t respond. He’ll think
you’re hard of hearing or mad. You can also pull the language card. Whatever
language he is speaking, you don’t know a word of it.
Luckily, the Man
Behind the Glass is tired and he caves-in quickly. With a heavy sigh, your tape
is suddenly fine, your lines straight enough.
And finally, you’re
safe, you've survived…until the next time.
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