Monday, January 18, 2010

Satan Talks Tough With Pat Robertson

Here in Botswana, on a Sunday morning we get the pleasure of listening to Pat Robertson on BTV. Since in my home we are currently down to one television station ( a blessing and a curse) we usually drink our morning tea while having fun with Pat and his 700 Club. To be honest, I was not surprised to find my bud Pat tried to use the earthquake in Haiti to his advantage. He's like that. He gets letters from people,people with real problems, like the lady last week with the husband addicted to porn. Pat has a tricky way of turning everything upside down and sideways to get to the point where every problem can be solved by pledging your life to his god and popping out a bit of change for Pat's bulging pockets. I'm wondering how the porn guy is doing with that. I must say though his method seems to have backfired on my friend Pat and now his slip is showing in a most embarrassed way.

For those who missed Patty's words of wisdom, here they are:

"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," he said on Christian Broadcasting Network's "The 700 Club." "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal." Robertson said that "ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other"

Okay before you rush off to the bathroom to vomit, you must get the follow-up. Apparently Rra Satane watches the 702 Club religiously and he was not too pleased. He dashed off a letter to The Star Tribune in Minnesota (of all places) to set the record straight:

Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher.
The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working.

But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan



bonita said...

glad to know that idiocy has no borders...not to
pre-empt Satan but Paddy didn't even have his history straight.
1) Dessalines and his generals declared the independent state of Haiti in January of 1804.
2) Napoleon III took the throne on 2 December 1852.
3) Haiti was forced to pay 90 million gold francs in reparations to France for freedom. (more than US$21 billion today) Haiti had to borrow the money from French banks. Repayment stretched out over decades. By the end of the 19th century, 80 per cent of Haiti's national budget was being spent on debt repayment.

Lauri said...

Bonita- thanks so much for that history. It is shocking!Sad and shocking! It always surprises me when western countries take the moral high ground and wonder why developing countries can't get their shit sorted out when in quite a few cases the shit was created by the western countries themselves.

Lyn said...

Bravo! Great post that addresses that "holier than thou" cr*p that Pat Robertson put out. Ignorance is the core of all racism ... and he has proven once again just how ignorant he is. I am sure his comments have authentic God loving people blushing in the offchance that they be somehow be associated with him and his "idiot-ology". I am embarassed to live on the same side of the ocean as this nut. Thanks Laurie for spreading awareness. The people of Haiti need compassion, empathy, education, resources and support. they need love from their global family.

Gutsy Living said...

So glad we have Bonita to give us the facts. Great post and sad how some take advantage of a disaster to ask for donations that do not get sent to Haiti.

Lauri said...

Gutsywriter I've heard of these scams. People have no shame.

Helen Ginger said...

Love Satan's closing line in the letter.

I don't watch Robertson's show, but happened to be flipping through channels, I landed on him saying that about Haiti. Could not believe it. I mumbled something then turned the channel. I really don't understand how he still has a show, but then I think that about several others on TV and radio.

Straight From Hel

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious but scary. I think Bonita has highlighted what is so wrong with some of these people like Pat Robertson who are in the public eye and hold such sway - not only are they spewing various levels of hatred, they are completely misinformed. They spread facts that are wrong which in turn are spread to others and so on. It becomes a bizarre game of Chinese whispers which of course, is very damaging.

I must say though, that the Master of Darkness presents a very good case for selling one's soul. Tempting....

Lauri said...

Selma watch out Satan is a wily one.

Anonymous said...

ignorance and arrogance are best to describe this ish! such nonsense could only come from a shallow mind and a cold heart- a spirit that does not know truth.